Is the Black Housewife a purple cow?

The mainstream media has hardly ever, if ever portrayed the black woman as a domestic goddess. So is the black housewife a purple cow?

black housewife

After slavery we were given the mammy figure, domestic, but hardly glamorous. She was overweight and resembled a patent leather shoe at a time when nobody wanted to be darker than a paper bag. She gave us laughs, love and wisdom. She was not married.

In the 50s we were given June Cleaver, white as the driven snow which totally excluded us all together.

Now here we are in the millennium. We have a chocolate set of housewives, but they are as un-domestic as it gets. They are rich, glamorous, but the only time I see a kitchen on RHOA(Real Housewives of Atlanta) is during a wine sipping chat.

So is there a such thing as a real black housewife?

Yes!

I am one, and I am sure there are more.

I remember attending a baby shower in my mid-twenties and having a conversation with one of the guests. As we were all gushing over the joy of family and celebrating our friend, we each shared a bit aboutwhat we would like our futures to look like. When I remarked, “I want to be a housewife”. I was met with condescending comments. One guest in particular told me with venom that I must want to marry a white man because no black man would ever let me be a housewife and that I was living in a fantasy world.

Damn,

I was not much younger than her, could I have been so naive? Or was she bitter because she was a single mom in her 20s. Now I have the answer…or so I think.

Being a housewife is not so much about black men as it is about values and finances. Yes, I know my husband is not black, but I can explain why I can still support my argument here.

First of all, my husband is Japanese and no matter what people think, he is not rich. Sure he saved his pennies, but I do not have a closet full of Louis Vuitton, nor can we afford to NOT budget on a regular basis. His value system was shaped by his family structure, not his race.

Secondly, my husband grew up with a mother who had a very demanding career. He basically vowed that he did not want his kids to go through the pain of wondering when mommy would be off from work. That is the value part.

So after having our first child, I never went back to work. I stopped my daily shopping as many NYC women do, we cancelled cable TV, and we went to restaurants less often. That is the finances part.

For a couple to decide on this type of family structure the values have to be there. No matter what the race, very few Americans(I would guess)would cancel their beloved HBO to be a housewife. Furthermore, few people know how beneficial it could be to their families if mom(or dad) stayed home!

I am looking to connect with more black women who want to or are currently stay at home moms. I think it is important that the young sistas out there know that it is an option, no matter what race your mate is.

Be Well,

Tara Kamiya

 

About Tara Kamiya

I am a personality blogger of Japanese & African American marriage and motherhood. Featured in the U.S. on Four Weddings Season 2. For product reviews, speaking engagements and appearances please contact me via email: kamiyatara@gmail.com
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18 Responses to Is the Black Housewife a purple cow?

  1. Gwendolyn Bailey says:

    Lovely article. The sad truth is that in this economy both mother and father have to work outside the home. You are truly blessed to be able to have this lifestyle.

  2. sicili says:

    Hi Tara. My name is Sicili. I just wanted to comment on your post because I am a black housewife. I have been married to my high school sweetheart(who just happens to be Mexican) for the past 21 almost 22 years and have been a housewife for all of that time. We have 6 children and I can honestly say I have enjoyed being home for my husband and children. We are all very close and have very strong bonds as a family. My husband asked me from the beginning to stay home because he said it would be important for me to be home for him and our children. I have really enjoyed taking care of my family and consider it a blessing. By the way, I really enjoy your blog and would love to ask you some questions about Japanese food.

  3. Mari says:

    hey Tara!nice post.i’m a black housewife living in south africa…typing with 1 hand baby sleeping on my lap,kawaii!!my husband is also japanese.people keep asking me when am i going back to work,gets so annoying.they automatically think my husband is rich.they find our life style weird.women feel sorry for me when i say ‘i look after my child”.its not easy looking after a child,but i would not have it any other way!!i’m blessed to see her grow, catch all those special moments and most of all to have a husband who works so hard and who is so generous….i thank God for hooking us up.enjoy your family time goes by so quickly.

  4. Hi Tara!

    I ran across your youtube video and left a comment that I too was a black woman living in Aomori, Japan about 20 yrs ago now. I met a wonderful Japanese guy and we spent much time together and had a very special relationship that I would not allow to blossom into what I believe he wanted although I loved this man. So seeing your courage to do so intrigued me and made me so happy because you did something I did not have the courage to do then. I know better now in hindsight 🙂 He also was everything I could have asked in a mate and went out of the way to show me how much he cared for me accompanying me all the way to the airport in Narita from Aomori and it still makes me quite emotional when I recall our goodbye. He married a year or so after I left Japan and sent me wedding pictures and we remained in touch for some time. I made other wonderful friends that I kept for years but lost touch when I moved and some things with addresses etc. were stolen. I miss Japan very much and hope to return sometime soon.

    On another note, I am a distributor for a company that has just opened in Japan called Organo Gold. It is a health and wellness company that infuses Ganoderma aka the Reishi mushroom into coffee and tea and a few other products because no matter what people stop doing when finances are tight, they historically do not stop drinking their coffee or tea and that is a global fact. Being that you would like to remain at home perhaps this is opportunity is something you and your husband might want to take a look at. I would send you some free samples of the coffee and tea so you can experience it. The ganoderma has over 200 nutients and over 140 anitoxidants in it . If you got involved you would likely be some of the first distributors in Japan as the company just opened there last month I think! I have a cousin in the military in Okinawa and he is coming into the company while stationed there. My contact info is at my website, but my phone number here in the Atlanta GA area is 404-914-4924. I would love to connect and hear from you at any rate. Having the network you have with your blog would also work very well with establishing a business like this. We are already in over 33 countries and anyone could order from you anywhere in the world!. Also if you would like more info my sponsor and mentor has a video on Youtube. Demond Crump Organo Gold Sacramento. Organo Gold has an awesome leadership and training system and and indep. website called BusinessForHome.org that reports the top 100 income earners in the world shows that the #1 income earner was Mr. Holton Buggs in Organo Gold, topping companies like Amway and NuSkin and Herbal Life that have been around for years. My sponsor’s mentor is a young guy 29 yrs old named David Imonitie who was #32 on the list of top 100 income earners world wide last year. See all on Youtube. Look forward to your feedback and will send you samples of coffee and tea if you will tell me where to send it.
    Have a Blessed Day! MarCia

  5. Tara Kamiya says:

    Thanks for reading and sharing, please email me kamiyatara@gmail.com

  6. Zayida says:

    Hey Sweetie! I LOVE your BLOG. Is there a way for me to subscribe so that I can be made aware of your updates?

  7. Treece says:

    Hi Tara! I just stumbled on your videos on YouTube and then found your blog. Your children are beautiful! Congrats on the new baby. This article about Black women and being a housewife is on the mark. My dear friend’s mother was a housewife, and she is now a married women of three little ones and is also a housewife. My friend is black and her husband is white, but there was never any question or doubt about her role and what she wanted. I respect all the hard work and love housewives put into their homes. Having a family is a career. I am proud of her and all housewives.

    I am single, and have a great job but there is nothing like coming home to people you love and having a family.

    Best wishes~

    Treece

  8. Tara Kamiya says:

    I am working on it, I am redesigning the blog so it will be on there soon as possible hopefully June 1! Thanks for reading!

  9. . says:

    God bless you and your family ,Tara!

  10. Patty says:

    Tara, LOVE your blog and admire you! I am working towards moving to Japan and try to keep up on black ladies living there. The Asian culture is so wonderful in that it really leans towards mothers being home with their children while the man works.

    Also, to one of the other posters: In this economy, two people are not always needed to have a decent life. I have raised a daughter who is soon going off to college as a single mom. I purchased two homes (alone!) and paid cash for 2 new cars (alone!) in the past. So, if you budget your dollars wisely and work hard, you can have a good life on your own money. I might add my daughter has never gone without anything.

    Love you Tara and best of luck to you and your family!

  11. Jetaun says:

    It’s crazy, but I just finally managed to make my way to the blog from watching your youtube videos. I have to say that I am impressed with the courage that it takes to stick by the lifestyle that you really wanted. I personally think that most women at some point would have rather have stayed home and yet society no longer fully allows us to be able to think that way. I personally can’t imagine no being able to raise my children at home because I think that it is one of the most admirable gifts that a parent can give to their children. Hopefully one day when I get married, I’ll be able to work out with my husband, to do the same. But until then, I suppose that I’ll just have to settle for walking around the city of Osaka, and maybe anywhere else that the Lord takes me.

  12. Wonderful post! I agree with you. It takes sacrifice but it can be done. I was a housewife before my divorce and now I’m a single mother/entrepreneur who works from home.

  13. mae.n@outlook.com says:

    Hi Tara 🙂
    I’m glad I found you on YouTube, liking your videos. You have such a warm loving personality. Hope you and the family are well. Please email me sometime. I would like to be your friend and visit you one day. I am thinking of visiting Japan soon 🙂

    Mae from Australia xo

  14. Sherri says:

    I am an African American housewife and my husband is also African American. I enjoy taking care of my family, it truly is a labor of love. We are currently a military family so I chose to be a stay at home mom to give our little one a sense of security and stability because our lives are always in flux. Now we’ve found that me staying at home really works for everyone so I plan on being a housewife even after we’re out of the military.

  15. Tasia says:

    I am amazed and inspired by you! I did homestay in japan last April with a lovely family. My host mom was a house wife. Watching her take care of her kids and help me on a daily bases was astonishing. Being black in Japan was quite the experience. I think I only met one other African American while I was there. Still, I hope to return someday.

    Thank you for sharing all that you do and being the strong woman that you undeniably are. Be well, be safe, and continue to be blessed.

    I look forward to your future post.

  16. Kisa says:

    Oh wow! Love this post although it’s old, but I am a stay at mom and its hard yet great to connect with others. People don’t realize it’s a 24 hr job not a 24 hour sitting on the couch tv show. I’m only able to post to your blog because my little one is taking nap. Lol!!

  17. Zaina says:

    I really needed to read this! I don’t know if my husband and I will be financially able for me to stay home (we’re expecting our first this summer) but I really REALLY have this longing to be a stay at home mom and everytime I look up “housewives” I see lily white ladies (which subconsciously makes me think that lifestyle is not for women like “me”) OR when I see women like me, it’s on tv being catty, flaunting wealth.

    No family values.

    I’m grateful for this post. It helped me see that I’m not alone and that there’s nothing wrong or outdated for me to actually Want to stay at home!

  18. Tara Kamiya says:

    I am so glad. This is why I write! We out here! Thanks for reading, sending love.

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