I’ve read about moms who lose themselves many times before I had children. I revisited those articles time and time again after having my children. I did not want to be one of those women. Sure, there are many articles to counter, they tell you enjoy that fat ass you now have, just enjoy your children and thank heavens you have them. This is all true, but you cannot enjoy anything if you are dying inside because you are not being true to yourself.
I am starting to remember who I was and always will be. It has nothing to do with my kids actually and more about just forgetting that there is more to life than survival. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in making sure the house is clean and everyone has what they need I forget the extras. To smile, to laugh, to be silly and enjoy. My mind is always fast forwarding to the practical functional tasks of the day.
My husband invited me out today and my first thought was….ugh, I did not do my hair last night, how am I gonna clean up so fast? My first thought should have been cool, let me get ready.
This can easily go on for years before you realize that you are the one making life suck.
Today I am going to write down all of who I was and still am and remember to get to being myself daily! The kids will sleep at some point. I can take time for myself. They will appreciate it.
Right now we are enjoying Golden Week in Japan. There are events, but I chose to take them to the library and get a few books in English. I was so happy to find a place that had them not too far away. The simple joy of reading in English. 10 books and I am sure we will read each of them at least twice this week.
Having a peaceful night.