Tara Kamiya



Mommy Trick 409
Mommy Trick #409

So I am a stay at home mom. My sons are 3 and 1. Right now I feel like a loser.LOL

I was so full of energy and ready to take on the world when I returned to Japan in March but I find myself quickly loosing steam.

My 3 year old has been out of preschool about 3 months. He had an allergic reaction in school and I removed him from the school. The teacher and the staff knew he had allergies. It was discussed many times. This is one of the horrible things about being in a small town in Japan. Their knowledge base of things is insanely small. I don’t think they even understood what an allergy to food is. The thought that food could kill my child never crossed their minds. I was pissed off and my husband called a lawyer.

But the real story is that it is not working for us. My sons home all day with me seems like a good idea but it is going sour. My son is now bored of my tricks and I cannot manage to get anything in the house done. My one year old is napping less and the two of them are running me ragged.

I perked up and decided that life happens. Besides, I am a Stay at Home Mom. Just as I changed my attitude, City Hall calls and offers us a new school, further away, but with a higher end client base and more knowledgeable staff. It is sorta kinda like a private school. I am excited. Being that our cost of living is low we can afford to send him. I think it is like $300 a month.

So why the blues? Well I feel guilty about spending the money. I don’t work, and as a person who used to bust her hump weekly, I feel guilty as hell. I feel like why can’t I do this? Study, Clean, Take care of my kids? Then  I talked to some moms. They informed me that just because you stay home does not mean you can manage two small children, adjusting to a new country, and housework all in one shot with no breaks.

Yeah, they are right I guess. Lord knows I won’t have my feet up around here, even if both of the kids were in day care. In Japan the laundry has to be done daily. There is also outside yard work as well.

I don’t want my summer to go by without spending some quiet time with my husband or enjoying the life that we are all trying so hard at.

In addition to my personal woes, my 3 year old has begun to express his needs to socialize and make friends. The other day he said, “I wanna go to school”. Tore my heart out. He says, “mommy there are allergies at that school right?” Aye! I hope this new situation works out.


10 thoughts on “SAHM Blues

  1. Tara –

    What a sad post! Breaks my heart. Would you ever think about coming back to the USA? Maybe you should. I think it would be best for you and your family. Things are a LITTLE easier here for people in your situation.

    T. Ryuzaki

  2. It is not easy to adjust to a new lifestyle, but I prefer this country to my own. The things that really matter are better for my children here in the long run. Healthcare is free for them, cheap for me, and the education system. I think we are still learning our way, but we are positive overall. Thanks for reading!

  3. My nephew has a very bad nut allergy so I know what you are going through – luckily my sister tells me the school he goes to is very good with kids with food allergies.

  4. I’ve seen your videos on You Tube so I decided to comment here. Just stay positive in terms of your sons. It’ll get better. $300 for private school? Not bad. Here in the states you’ll be paying thousands of dollars. And I think you are right about things being better for your children abroad than in the U.S. Life is just getting harder and harder here. I’m counting down the days until I can move to Guam. I hate Baltimore. Maryland’s getting worse each year. 🙁

  5. Sorry to hear that. If any consolation, finding a good preschool for your kid is hard anywhere, including the US, where I live (so I disagree with Ms./Mr. Ryuzaki here).
    Small town-thing, though, does make it difficult–a trade-off for the low cost of living, I guess. I hope the new option would work out for your family–$300/mo is much cheaper than most descent US preschools, so don’t feel bad!

  6. I’m sorry to hear that but thankfully your son has an alternative option. I hope he likes his new school. My nephew has a bad nut allergy also.
    This is a question just out of curiosity. 🙂
    But dok most Japanese men expect their wives to be housewives or stay at home mom’s?
    The reason I am asking is because I realize most foreign women who marry Japanese men end up staying at home or becoming a housewife while the opposite is true for Japanese women who marry foreign men, most seem to work.

  7. Oh Tara! I felt so sad when I read that you said you didn’t work. You work damn hard! Being a stay at home Mom is really hard work, and important work. Sure, you may not be in the corporate world any more, but the work you do to keep your husband and boys happy and loved, to take care of yourself and your home, is much harder work than a 9 to 5 job. Much harder! And, in my opinion, more valuable. So, as a divorced Mother of four, a Grandmother of four, and retired from my own business, I can attest that my hardest work was being a mother and homemaker. Be proud of your accomplishments and of the life you’re making for yourself in Japan. I love your blog and watch faithfully. Love you and your boys!

  8. Thank you so much, you brought me to tears. Be Well and Thank You for watching.

  9. Housewives are still a big part of the culture here. It maintains the cultural norms they have in place and I think many families are happy with this standard, but in my mother in law’s family all the women work. Modern times have welcomed many women to work and be educated. 60 years ago that was not so. Thanks for watching.

  10. Stay strong and know that the universe welcomes you to be free and happy. Thanks for reading and I am sending you lots of love.

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