Pet Funeral
Parenting is not an easy job. Teaching children about death is usually not a lesson any parent looks forward to. I hope this post will help to teach a very difficult subject. This post shares a personal story about our pet funeral for our goldfish.
We are a family of 5. During the pandemic my husband and I did as much as we could to keep the morale up in our home.
Sometimes we were bored. Sometimes we were nervous.
This children had so many questions about what was going on.
I thought that it might be a great idea to give the children something to focus on so for Christmas of 2020 I brought home “Goldie”.
Goldie is a Beta fish. You can read more about them here.
I went into Pet Smart and found the happiest little fish I could. Once I spotted him I brought him home.
Disguised under the tree as a gift from the elf, Goldie became part of our family.
The kids took good care of him and we enjoyed his company for a little over a year.
This past Christmas we even gave him a little birthday party!
Well, about a week ago Goldie was laying at the bottom of the tank. His little gills barely going up and down.
It was early in the morning. I knew he would not make it through the day.
I called the kids over and let them know that Goldie is not feeling well and that he might not make it.
They were so positive assuring me that Goldie was strong and just tired.
About 4 hours later his gills stopped.
My youngest is still very unaffected. It was more of a “What do we do now?”
My older boys who are 8 and 10 basically were down but also not really knowing what came next.
None of the children really understood the concept of a pet funeral.
Dad thought I was pretty crazy to set up this big dramatic situation but I told him that it was a learning moment and that it be better for the children to learn about death now. With a pet like a goldfish I consider it a more gentle impact to learn about death.
Once we realized that we had lost Goldie here is what I did and here is what the kids did:
- Asked the children not to disturb the tank
- My middle child was asked to choose a graphic for the announcement of his departure
- We decided upon a time for the goodbye service
- We notified family and friends of when we would have our pet funeral
Children have so many questions from 6-10.
My 6 year old asked, “Is Goldie a ghost now?”
My 8 year old asked, “Why are we having a funeral, to celebrate that he died?”
My 10 year old who had said goodbye to his grandmother in Japan when she died just starred.
It is so important to answer their questions gently using your faith or understanding of the world.
It is also important to respect their silence while they process grief.
The service was in our living room. Dad took Goldie to his final resting place at a local river.
The kids ate and drank a little while discussing some good memmories.
I know this seems super dramatic but I think parenting should be about teachable moments.
We could have flushed Goldie and said, oh crap. That’s that.
But instead the children are aware of the entire process that happens so that they will be less likely to be confused or unrully should we need to make preparations for a family memeber.
Teaching children about death is not easy but I hope this helps someone.
Please leave the name of your first pet if you loved them dearly.
-TK
Bernadette says
Help, Mrs. Kamiya!
Thank you so much for sharing your story…
You are teaching your children so much! You are and amazing mother!
I don’t really remember learning about death when I was a kid. We had two goldfish… But I believe I saw them as immortal beings in the living room. Just there. They were cool to watch… Until I came home from kindergarten and my mom was angry at my brother (highschool) because he did not clean the tank right?
I asked my mom about it and she just said the tank wasn’t cleaned right. They’re “gone.”
Plus I think that was around the time I really started to notice death on TV/movies. (Like Full Metal Jacket. Holy moly.)
I don’t think I learned about it. It kind of… Just made sense when I was five. I was already somewhat aware of death. (Don’t know how. Instinct?) I think it’s something we all know but no one talks about it.
You are teaching your kids in the coolest way ever. 👏 Dramatic, but educational and I’m sure they completely understood it. 🥲
My dog’s name is Kuno. He is 15. He is some sort of a Queensland Heeler and he looks like a fox lol He is doing very, very well. We are kind of keeping an eye on him these days… I’m almost 30 and I have no idea how I’m going to respond when that day comes. 😭 Thank you for your article. It’s giving me so much to think about.
kamiyatara says
You are welcome! Thank you for your comment! Some bits of your comment were funny.It will not be easy when Kuno’s time comes for you will make it through. Enjoy him now and give a big hug around his neck for us.